I feel so naive. I'm always so naive.
I keep trying to convince myself that the quality of life will magically get better, but I just know it won't. My life is like an anime, sometimes there's a good episode or even a whole good season; only for it to be followed by boring filler. Some of the filler though really puts me in a negative headspace, hurting as much as directing your eyes towards the sun and glaring into her light. I have tried everything to give myself a good "episode", but with all of the extra nonsense occurring in the background, it's hard for me to genuinely feel anything asides disappointment or plain neutrality. I do not believe I have felt excited in a while. I have mostly just felt so stressed and bothered.
I never have anyone to talk to about this as well, by the way. That's what makes it so frustrating for me. When I vent, people look at me with fear as if I am a present or upcoming danger instead of understanding. I don't get it. I want to be heard. I want to be understood, treated as a real human being with feelings. I want to be comforted and told that my feelings are valid and okay rather than someone telling me what I should be doing or thinking instead. I'd wish to breathe fresh air or have the feelings of cold water slide against my throat, revealing the sudden breakthrough and freedom that comes my way. If I could know when the breakthroughs and freedoms come, only then would my anxiety dismiss itself from my core.
